A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day, an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a sandstorm.
Several days later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained for the entire day.
"This Indian is amazing," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian failed to show up for a couple of weeks.
Finally, the director sent for him. "I have a big scene to shoot tomorrow," the director said, "and I'm counting on you. What will the weather be like?"
"Not know," replied the Indian, shrugging his shoulders. "Radio broken!"
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Happy Birthday
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides,she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."
His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy asked, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," said the fellow.
"...And did she like it?" His buddy asked.
"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling,
"I'll be back in an hour!"
His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy asked, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," said the fellow.
"...And did she like it?" His buddy asked.
"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling,
"I'll be back in an hour!"
Monday, January 21, 2008
Wine vs Water
As Ben Franklin said; "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, vodka, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Alcohol = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink alcohol and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, vodka, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Alcohol = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink alcohol and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
Really deep thoughts..
# A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
# Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
# How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
# Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
# Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
# Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
# No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
# There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
# No one ever says, "It's only a game," when his team is winning.
# The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
# If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
# Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
# I've reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
# Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
# The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
# To err is human, to forgive -- highly unlikely.
# Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Chevette.
# Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
# How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
# Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
# Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
# Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
# No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
# There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
# No one ever says, "It's only a game," when his team is winning.
# The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
# If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
# Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
# I've reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
# Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
# The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
# To err is human, to forgive -- highly unlikely.
# Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Chevette.
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