Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Jingle Bombs
This is fab! CLICK HERE :))
Thanks to Curcubitator for sharing this with all of us. Happy Holidays, my friend! :))
Thanks to Curcubitator for sharing this with all of us. Happy Holidays, my friend! :))
Christmas Angel
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
And that's how the tradition of putting an Angel at the top of the tree came to pass...
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
And that's how the tradition of putting an Angel at the top of the tree came to pass...
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Onions and Christmas Trees
A family was at the dinner table. The son asked his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, said, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20's, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they're like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they're like onions".
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiled and said, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it's like a Christmas tree".
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
The father, surprised, said, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20's, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they're like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they're like onions".
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiled and said, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it's like a Christmas tree".
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
